top of page

Death's Door


Death's Door



The worst of it was behind him. There were still a few days to go for this particular stay in intensive care, but those horrid moments fighting for breath, fighting for life, were past. At least for now. This was the first of two progressively worse experiences of pneumonia, staged a few years apart, red flag wake up calls on his ascension path. It could have been easier, certainly, this road he'd walked, but this was the way it went.

Somewhat surprisingly, these two painfully acute periods spent dancing with flat-lining finality would also function as release from fear of death. He did not know it at the time, but this was the higher perspective on what was happening, what was truly being served by his struggle to reach the light, to finally understand he was light that knew itself as eternal light.

He would untie the knots in his own consciousness, knots that had tied themselves tight through lifetimes of re-occurrence. Re-occurrence of the same issues that had overshadowed his progress through the eternity training program. Only liberty from limitation, sculpted, crafted, grafted through direct lived experience, would allow this total rewrite of the subconscious to take place. However grueling it may have been, however grueling it may be, it had a function, a function beyond his point of perception, and he was fine with that. This was the way it was.

Lying folded in the hospital bed, he could look back on those critical moments where a decision had needed to be made - give in and go on the ventilator or persevere through exhaustion with the new, tighter oxygen mask that had been sourced. He could look back now and allow the enormity of what had happened to sink in. He could look back without feeling that enormity crushing his lungs, standing with its feet pressed hard down on his chest. He had been crushed just enough to squeeze the dominance of conditioning from each and every cell. More than ever, he'd been expertly opened up to limitless possibility, not even a shred of mind control standing in the way - his being just drifting, untethered.

The comfort of possible futures began to massage him again, a steady rhythm provided by the bleeping machines, a stream of compassion provided by those in attendance in ITU. And with all his own systems switched off, it happened, the impossible, the switchover, the dissolution of reality and the gateway into another dimension, another realm, opening once more.

He turned to his right, felt the now customary piercing noise in his left ear, the switching of frequency, and the world dissolved in front of him, the pixels of reality reassembling to display some kind of reception chamber - an echoey room with large black and white square floor tiles inviting him to walk across them to whatever was beyond. He kept walking, enjoying the feeling of the cold slabs under his feet. He found himself, just for a moment, angrily thinking "Why now? Why the fuck is this happening right now? Haven't I been through enough?" but carried on regardless and made his way through the chamber.

Suddenly he was truly in another realm, in another system. Just where was this? It seemed like another planet. He had simply been laying in the hospital bed, turned to his right, walked across a reception room and landed on another planet. What could be easier than that?

He felt the sand under his feet, as he strode forward along the most beautiful beach he had ever seen. The wide expanse of dunes, the crystal clear water lapping on the shore. He felt free, he felt the organic majesty of his surroundings drawing him forward. Tremendous excitement, tremendous serenity, tremendous peace and a built-in sense of purpose, a sense of absolute knowing filling each and every cell.

There was a long way to walk to reach the cliffs of the headland in the distance, and just as this thought came through, a hover board came out of nowhere and attached itself to his feet - it actually just fused with his feet. He understood immediately: a higher state of consciousness enables the fusion of organic and non-organic material. There was no need to learn how to ride this thing, it just happened. He knew exactly how to do it, the training program was integrated in an instant, and he began to glide forward, much faster now, even smoother, enjoying this way of moving just as much as the sensation of walking in such magnificent surroundings.

As he accelerated towards the headland, gliding a few metres above the sand below, he found himself joined by a small group of others, perhaps ten or fifteen in total, each fused with their own hover boards, each in silent concentration, each in their own expression of serenity, each liberated from limitation, each opened up fully to make the impossible possible once again. This was fun, this was beyond smooth, everything choreographed for them to relax into the experience, everything designed to deepen their understanding. They moved as a group above the dunes, changing position without any thought, like a hand picked flock of exotic birds, drawn forwards towards a destination that was programmed into them, no navigation necessary, no words necessary, just enjoy the ride, the sensation, the view, the knowing.

He found himself wondering if all these others were also lying in intensive care beds back in the 3D world. What was the common experience that had brought them together to be shown something so beautiful, so serene, so fluid, so wild? And as he considered this, he was powered forward to the front of the group, and there in front of him, he just knew, was the great civilization of Arcturia. Immense golden pyramids reaching into the sky, the steep rocky barrancos of the mountains dotted with the glow of countless habitations carved deep into them. The fiery golden glow was everywhere, the feeling of perfect fusion of the organic and higher technology emanated from every pore of the mountainous terrain.

He was suddenly separated from the group, out in front, the journey over, standing still now. To his left was a wall, over which he could see this beautiful scene of beings living in complete harmony with their surroundings. To his right was the rest of the group, seemingly waiting for him to say something, maybe just waiting for someone to say something. He really wasn't sure what was expected from him, but there was no need to worry, there were no expectations. Out of nowhere a voice spoke to them…

"The New Metal"

And that was it. He knew what it meant. A higher state of consciousness enables the fusion of organic and non-organic material. He didn't really want it to be over, but over it was. The realm of Arcturia dissolved and there he was, back lying in his hospital bed, alone once again but full of knowing, full of inspiration, full of understanding of the deep deep purpose of these bumps in the road. His point of perception leveled up, his understanding of the nature of reality transformed again through these adventures in consciousness.

The nurse came over to him, a bucket of soapy water in one hand, some towels in the other. "It's time for your bed-bath Jamie", she sang.

"You've got to be joking!" he thought to himself.

But he just smiled gently, leaned forward and began to peel himself from the sheets of his hospital bed.

He re-centred, put Arcturia to the back of his mind, and readied himself for the challenge ahead, with as much humility as he could muster.

Something a bit more down to earth this time…



bottom of page